Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Not feeling it

This amazing wave of eloquence came over me last night and I had reached an understanding about why I am so upset right now and can't be happy. I promptly fell asleep and forgot all about it until I read Kate's latest post:Kate.

My problem is, I don't feel pregnant. Yes, I have nausea, yes, I eat every two hours. But it hasn't hit me. I haven't allowed myself to believe it. The few minutes when I actually think it could be true is when I see that little image on the u/s machine and when I check...yes, that wand is on MY belly, not someone else's. It's not smoke and mirrors....or is it?

Then I quickly go back to not believing. It's not logical, but hello? It has taken me and so many of you reading this SOOO F-KING long to get here, that I just expect it to be taken away in (literally) a heartbeat. When I see blood (at 6 weeks, at 11 weeks and now the last 5 days), I think: "See? It's all over." How am I supposed to not panic and worry and think that this is the end? 

I put a call in to my ob/gyn and she is going to call me back this afternoon. I can't even see through my tears right now, but hopefully the doctor will give me some answers. Thanks for reading.


  1. I am sure this is normal, esp seeing you both are feeling like this. You have been through a lot to get here. I am sure as your pregnancy progresses and youy start to show and then feel the kick it will become more real.

  2. I agree with Nic. We are super focused on being pregnant that once we are- well what are we supposed to do but worry about losing what we have achieved. let yourself feel anyway you see fit - after all, you're pregnant!! :-)

  3. Ahhhhhh yes indeed. Thank you thank you for making me feel less alone. I hope you got some needed and deserved reassurance from your doc. I know that folks can bleed their way through this whole pregnancy thang but it sure would be nice if the universe would cut you a break.