HCG stands for...

Hormonal Curmudgeon Gal. I have been rather emotional for really no good reason. I cried two days ago when my nurse told me to stop taking stims. (Were they canceling the cycle? But stims are good...I NEED more follicles!) I cried this morning after falling on the ice and thinking I had just popped all my eggs (yes, I am an intelligent human being, but this stuff is very irrational). I cried again tonight driving home. Why? Just the confluence of emotions, both good and bad. Another pregnant friend on my list as of today.  Fergie singing "Big girls don't cry" just encouraged the flood. Oh, and don't even get me started on the mister's oh so funny "What are we doing at 9?" attempt at comedy when I texted what I thought was a very calm " Are you close?" text at 8:45. "Hello! You are shooting HCG into my a-s-s!"

Positives: 10 follicles on each side, no more shots, i.Pod synched with my chill out/get psyched list.

Time for some rest and positive thoughts.

a little game

I have a little game for you to play. I'll describe something and you tell me what it is. Ready? Here goes: 

1. A sensation in your abdomen similar to being kicked by a mule. A very angry and strong mule.

2. Wiping down my phone with an alcohol pad after a VERY sick colleague handled it. (Not right in front of her..gheesh)

3. Crying when I drew blood after a Gonal-F shot because I was afraid the dose I had so carefully injected ended up oozing out of me in the aforementioned blood.

Scroll down for the answers.

1. Repronox!

2. Neurotic.

3. Really neurotic. I called my nurse friend on this one. Luckily I have her for all of my really stupid and embarrassing questions.

Thanks for playing! I have to keep laughing at myself, as do we all.

Shoot!

Shoot me up! AF came, I had my baseline and I am ready to start stimmin'! Down to 5 units of lupron, 75 of Gonal-F and 1 vial of Repronox (this last one's new for me, but it sounds like so much fun: swelling and welts and pain, oh my!).

Trying to find my peaceful, happy place...you know: cautiously optimistic while realistic but not too Eeyore about it all.

Reach

I am starting to realize that I need more support than I thought. When I first reached out a tentative feeler to a woman also going through this process, I had to retract like a turtle  into her shell (excuse the mixed animal anatomy references) when it turned out she was a bad listener, talked about herself and made statements that would drive a saint crazy. My favorite? "Waaahhh, they'll only transfer one embryo because I'm so young." I don't think I would be a good support group participant. I'm sure they frown on members who mumble "quit your whining" not-so-under their breath.

Now I have two real live acquaintances with whom I have shared stories and tears. They have given me resources and hope in the form of their success. 

In other news, I got completely ticked off at the boy last night for having three martinis. Hello???? Drunk sperm in my petri dish? I don't think so. We talked, he apologized and he gets it.

Sunday is day 10 of lupron, but unless AF comes a knockin' tomorrow, I won't be able to go in for my baseline ultrasound and blood work.

In the mean time , I am excited about a long weekend and January 20. I have enough bush right here at home.

0 to...11

My thoughts are consumed by dates and numbers, as I am sure all of yours are as well. Last Friday my progesterone level wasn't even at one, so I was told "Come back on Thursday. It has to be at least at 3 to start lupron." Ok. Fine. Like a good doobie, I went back today. My magic number? Eleven. Let's do some math. 11-3...seems like I could have gone in a lot sooner, started this cycle days ago, why are we wasting precious time, hello-I'm not getting any younger!!!!!

A little ranting always feels good. Lupron it is, then. I'm a bit worried since I have to take it in the morning...if I become a monster I can't hide in my lair. 

Delaaaaaay

Argh. That's the only word to describe my frustration. My body doesn't seem to want to ovulate this month. When I took my day 21 progesterone test I was told to come back in a week. Yes, I usually ovulate around day 18, but I feel like my ovarian wheels are spinning. Constant surge, pangs, mucus...and the egg seems to stay stuck in the starting gate. It is now day 24. Not that I was all that excited about lupron, but I would like to get this party started. Of course, I am worried that the round of stim meds has turned my ovaries into lazy couch potatoes. Maybe if I cancel their cable prescription...

song it

After seeing Cassandra's "I'm in my positive IVF energy" song list at http://babysmiling.wordpress.com, I decided to add a few: 

Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" and 

"Love Will Come to You" by the Indigo Girls.

Bummer-my links didn't seem to work...