Where's the rhyme and reason?

So, I squirted in my last tube of crinone yesterday. Looking around at other gals' blogs intrigues me. Protocols are so vastly different. I'm not just talking about lupron and stim meds. It makes sense to me that those would vary based on response, medical conditions, etc. I'm referring to the 'once you are pregnant' protocol. Some continue with both estrogen and progesterone. Some do progesterone every other day (which I would not be able to keep straight), some go until week 12. My clinic had me stop estrace as soon as I had a positive beta and continue crinone until week 10. It makes me think that nobody really has the answers out there in (in)fertilitylandia.

On a different note, still hanging in there with naps and mild nausea. Like a kinesophobic living on the San Andreas fault, with every little twinge or cramp, I think, "Oh no, it's the big one. The big m/c..." Then it goes away and I go back to whatever I was doing. Which is probably eating...already gained my 5 pounds and still have three weeks left in the trimester...oops.

(no) Pomp and (no) Circumstance

There wasn't too much pomp and circumstance, really. Just a mother crying tears of joy on the ultrasound table...that was me! It actually looked like a baby this time. Well, I mean when the technician pointed out the arm and leg buds, we didn't have to completely use our imagination. So now we have graduated to an ob/gyn. Another milestone. Truly, I am amazed and humbled.

While we were waiting for the anticlimatic meeting with the RE, a group from an IVF class shuffled in looking hopeful and nervous. I wanted to say, "Look, it can work!" but I refrained. I know it doesn't always work, and I know that I had spiteful feelings toward pregnant women just a few short months ago. (Kate, you're a saint for not having those feelings.)

So... all this eating is definitely catching up with me. The problem is, I don't look pregnant yet, just fat. I am perfectly ok with this, don't get me wrong. However, buying spring clothes today for my upcoming trip to California was problematic. I finally found some cute and stretchy pieces at the G.ap Outlet...too bad horizontal stripes are in, though.

Next week I will be thinking of all of you, but in an unplugged sort of way while on vacation. Sending good vibes to each and every one.

Feed me, Seymour

My body’s new trick is that each day it requires more food than the previous one. Ok, that may be a slight exageration, but it is my perceived reality. It’s a strange beast, this hunger. Come to think of it, have you ever seen the weight watchers commercial in which they personify hunger as a furry beast who is always popping up to tempt or cajole its victims into eating? (See above.) Yes, well, that beast lives inside me. Try to ignore it and it strikes back with lightheadedness, dizziness and overall malaise. Ask me about how I decided to keep vacuuming rather than stop and eat. By the time I tried to whip up some guacamole, my hands were so shaky I ended up with ceramic shards and green goop all over the kitchen.

These hunger pangs come out of nowhere and also can shut down my stomach without warning. The hunger? Irregular. Maybe every three hours, maybe after an hour and half since my last feeding. And my favorite? My internal monster has now decided it needs midnight feedings, too. So I get up to pee, and get back into bed witha  box of crackers. Speaking of crackers, sometimes they are a great snack and sometimes they are like throwing stones into an abyss. My monster says “get some cheese on those things or you’re in trouble.” And thtat leaves us with the “Stop. NO more” reaction. You would think I would be able to finish a bowl of cereal in the morning, but there are always two bites that I can not even bare to look at. 

Not complaining. Just fascinated, really.

Things I have learned so far...

1. Pain on one side can be ectopic or it can be due to the fact that your ovaries are still HUGE and/or you have an ovary-sized cyst on one of them that everyone concurs is normal with fertility drugs. 

2. Spottting can be fine or bad. Best to go to the ER and know for sure. My spotting is back, but it is now brown. This is supposed to be better than red, but it still freaks me out. Better to call the nurse, which is what I will be doing as soon as their office opens.

3. Sperm counts can be increased. The first two counts were around 16 million. After taking vitamins, and decreasing alcohol consumption, it went up to 25 million. After continuing with vitamins, reduced alcohol and adding pycnogenol (not even that much-just a 25 mg pill from Tr.ader Joe's), the count was 42 million. 

Thought I would share. Hope you are all in a calm, positive place and if you have any extra calm positive vibes to throw my way, I'll put them to good use.

p.s.-I really found comfort from this wonderful IVFer: 

http://abeautifulday.blogs.com/a_beautiful_day/2004/12/when_ivf_works_.html

Another milestone

After a slight identity mix up (they signed me in as a woman with a similar first name and same last name), I was on the table ready to expose myself. The belly part was fine and I wasn't even too sad when they couldn't hear the heartbeat. When it came to the vg-wand, however: watch out, people, I had an inexperienced driver. I don't think he realized the tunnel is only so wide!! Luckily, the other dr. took over and we did see that cute little flicker on the screen. 118 beats per minute. 6 weeks, two days or 6.3 in math world...baby is measuring at 6.o, but heck, I was a late bloomer, so I'm not surprised. Wishing all you fellow (there should be a less male equivalent of that word) bloggers peace and happiness. (No, I didn't take any illegal drugs.)